Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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