I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
