you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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