I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
