Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have aggressive nipples.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
