You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
