i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
