i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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