no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
