while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
