the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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