Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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