so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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