OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
