I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i permit you to call me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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