Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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