just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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