i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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