I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
