Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
