There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
worst night to have a conscience
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
