He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You left your phone here
Wait...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
