I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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