and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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