it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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