Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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