Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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