you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
