time to smoke my breakfast
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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