i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
