Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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