like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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