Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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