So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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