So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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