when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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