I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
