Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
