there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
