My pussy is not your playground.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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