Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
