I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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