woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
