I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
