Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
