Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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