cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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