why didn't you poke me back
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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