i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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