my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
