tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
