3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
