I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
