K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
