There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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